The last two weeks I have been singing in a production called Lamb of God, by composer Rob Gardner, which portrays the life and mission of Jesus Christ. This is my third year participating in it and it is my new favorite way to celebrate Easter. One of the pieces of this masterful orchestration is entitled "Gethsemane." As I have performed this song, the Spirit has given me a glimpse of the depth of what went on in Gethsemane. A glimpse I have never had, even when I lived in Jerusalem and went to this garden many times a week. Even when I had a very sacred physical experience in Gethsemane, there was no music to make what I felt there come to life. Now there is. There are impressive soloists representing Peter, John, Thomas, Judas, Mary Mother of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, Pilate, and a few others. But the composer chose not to have a soloist represent the Savior. He chose a cello. Here is a low quality video of what this song sounds like without the choir: There is a moment in this song after the cello personifies the expressions of the Savior during the atonement where the choir takes over and starts to sing the words of the Savior as He pleads that the bitter cup be taken from him. A moment when I cannot let myself think about the meaning of what we are portraying, or I lose my composure and with it my ability to perform. It is a sacred, powerful and intense moment. The Abba moment. The orchestra and choir mesh to produce an indelible expression of music that portrays the infinite suffering. Suffering of a God, made human, for this very moment. The music starts in piano (very soft) and grows over about ten measures at which point the orchestra is nearly snapping their strings and the choir is all but screaming. Every time this moment happens, I look at the director who is flexing virtually every muscle in his body as he rips this sound from the collective soul of the choir and orchestra. There isn't a time that I have performed this where I haven't been impressed by the director's excruciating expression, even during rehearsal. It looks as if he is in deep, but necessary pain. After the Abba cry, there is absolute silence. Everyone feels it. It pierces every soul in the audience, choir and orchestra to the center. And though they may not fully comprehend what just happened or the Aramaic words, the central self of each individual knows that what just happened is something of profound significance. Here are the words in the language Jesus would have spoken: ABBA, AVI, EHVAR MANEE KASAH HANAH ------- Father, take away from me this cup ALA LO TSAVANI, ANT TSAVANACH ------- But not my will, Thy will O ABBA! ------- O Father! I know what happened in Gethsemane was real and it was unimaginably difficult. To the point where a God cried out for help from his Daddy. He cried louder than any combined choir and orchestra. He called out to His Abba, and to your Abba. It was a cry of complete desperation because though He was the literal Son of the literal God, there were inklings of mortal humanity within Him and this atonement caused Him to become awestruck. Even amidst this Abba cry and the awful and amazing expiation of the sins of every living soul in the universe, He was the Director. The Director of Gethsemane. At any moment, Jesus of Nazareth could have put the baton down and stopped the awful and infinite music of the wrath of the atonement. He could have chosen not to go through with it. But He didn't. He kept the music going to the bitter end. "---how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not. For behold, I God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;...which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit---and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and shrink---" (D&C 19:15-19). Glory be to the Father and thanks be to God that He partook and finished His preparations to all of us. I know that He is, like He said, "the greatest of all". How grateful I am that Jesus is the Christ, the certainty of my uncertainty, the completion of my incompletion, the finisher of my faith, the Director of Gethsemane.
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It was easy for the disciples of Jesus to follow him when he healed their family members or witnessed other miracles He performed. Then when He started to teach things which were "hard sayings," there were many of his disciples who "walked no more with Him." And then He asked the 12 apostles, "Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go?" (John 6:66-67) I think that there are so many things that can seem like "hard sayings" and make us want to walk no more with Him, or mostly with the Church. There are certain teachings and parts of history, that sometimes might not make complete sense to my rational mind. The reason doesn't always add up in the equation. And the easiest option sometimes seems to walk no more with the Church. But that question comes up: To Whom Shall We Go? What other Church has what this Church has? What Church, or even community, offers what this Church offers? What program? What government? Maybe there are certain organizations or communities that can offer certain aspects that will bring temporary solace or happiness. But show me a Church that has doctrine as profound as ours. There is none. If you question this, you have not studied it as you should. You have not connected to the "CPU" of the wealth-spring of knowledge and truth that exists in the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no other existing church that has such a deep and detailed view of the afterlife. No matter how trendy it might be, or comfortable it might feel to join a different community (or no community), you will never find the teachings of eternal potential anywhere else to match those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If there is one, show me. And show me when we have the Holy Ghost's influence. For the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not...it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be." (Jacob 4:13) And Paul says:
The potential that the doctrine of this Church offers concerning our potential in this life and in the life to come, is far superior to any other doctrine. As I mentioned in another post, there is so much more to eternal life than just living forever. Here are a few "perks" that I look forward to:
I mostly wanted to post about this because there is so much anti-Mormon propaganda flying around and I am trying to inoculate myself (and hopefully others who may read this) to it with the truth. Perhaps you have read or seen or heard something that could cause you to have temporary doubt in an aspect of a piece of history, or a quote from a past leader, or maybe just a sentiment that you don't fully agree with. I'm sorry if it those have been "hard words," but truly, where will you go? Honestly, with the entire picture in mind - an everlasting perspective - what other church, group, or community can provide the truth and the absolute potential that The Church of Jesus Christ gives you? I see it this way, if in that final day when I die and pass on to the next sphere of existence, I arrive to find that I was wrong the whole time (along with everyone else in my Church), and that there was some other godlike-potential-providing system of truth that I missed out on in this life...then I am completely satisfied with believing in that which gives me hope for the highest potential. And whatever really does provide the highest potential for the life to come is probably complete enough for some allowance for those who didn't find it in this life. PS - Mormon doctrine provides this already for all other religions and people. But I don't need to doubt. I know that the doctrine is true. I know that I am in the right path, and I will stand by it and live for it until I die. And I know that Jesus does have the words of eternal life, just like Peter said. And it isn't just this, there is so much peace and joy that come now from living the commandments. After watching this film about scientific research on how to be happy, I realized that we already teach all of that stuff in our church. It's just a part of how we live. I'm Mormon. I know it. I live it. And I love it. C.S. Lewis wrote a book with this title. Many thought that it was because he married so late in life and his wife's name was Joy. It was actually not about that at all, but about his journey from atheism, to theism, to Christianity. It blows my mind that this man actually was an atheist because much of my intellectual appeal to Christianity has come from this man's pen. The big reason for his switch is because he found joy where he wasn't expecting it. It surprised him. And the joy he found was a deep longing for something he did not have, but that he knew existed. He says that he caught glimpses of it through out his life, but never quite caught hold of the real thing. But after much exploration and a bit of help from J.R.R. Tolkien (among others), there was a moment in his life where he just all-of-the-sudden knew. And he was surprised by the joy it brought. He uses a German word to describe it: sehnsucht. "Sehnsucht" is one of those words that just doesn't have a direct translation into English. Whatever you use to describe its definition, you have to pad that with other words and descriptions so that it makes sense. It basically means "longing", "yearning" or "nostalgia". I like this description (from wikipedia): "It is sometimes felt as a longing for a far-off country, but not a particular earthly land which we can identify. Furthermore there is something in the experience which suggests this far-off country is very familiar and indicative of what we might otherwise call 'home'". This "home" feeling is something that I think we all have experienced. And like Mr. Lewis, I also believe we all long for true, lasting joy. I sure do. But joy is such an interesting thing. One of my core beliefs is that one of the purposes of life is to have joy. Adam fell that man may be, and men are that they might have joy. That's why we are here. To experience true joy. But I believe that joy isn't as easy as getting a new pair of shoes, or getting a free Jamba Juice - though I love when that happens. It comes with a price. And the price is usually some sort of pain. If we ask God to bless us with joy, He will, but it will likely be after our heart has been in some way wrenched. And when we arrive at that moment when we feel such a heavenly sensation, it will be much more rich because of what we went through. Joy is much more genuine and lasting because it does take a while to get there. And no one else can understand it the way we do once we arrive at joy. It's hard to explain. Trying to explain joy is a bit like trying to describe a life-changing experience. Like after I came home from a two year mission in Chile or after my time in the Holy Land. I often found mere acquaintances asking "So how was your mission?" or "How was Jerusalem?" They were well meaning, but it was impossible to really explain how those life-changing experiences were. A Rosebush AnalogyAs a teacher at the MTC I used a visual of a rosebush to explain the mission. The mission is like a rosebush. Before you get to it, you look at it, and you are amazed at how beautiful it is from a distance. You get closer and it just gets even more beautiful. Then you are surprised when you begin to walk through the rosebush. You realize that there are thorns EVERYWHERE and you wonder why you entered the rosebush in the first place! You look down and see that you are bleeding and torn all over your body. It hurts, but something inside you tells you to keep walking. So you do. You finally see the other side of the rosebush and before you know it, you are on the outside looking back. The blood stops, the wounds heal and you once again see the rosebush from a distance. And it looks even more beautiful than it did before you entered. And even though it was one of the most painful and bloody experience you have been through, you almost feel a nostalgia for that beautiful place. To me this is joy. It can't be experienced without that unique painful nostalgia. If we want true joy, our whole life we will be entering and exiting these rosebushes. Man is that he might walk through the rosebush. Thankfully, there is someone who walks through the bush with us who has gone through the rosebush to trump all rosebushes. "I have trodden the winepress alone" He said (Isaiah 63:3). "Which suffering caused myself even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit--and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and partake--" This suffering was real and He overcame. And after His great rosebush He actually said: "my joy is full" (3 Ne 17:20) - this makes more sense that his joy would be FULL after having suffered for all mankind. His rosebush trumped all rosebushes and His joy therefore is matchless. I am grateful for the true joy I have experienced in my life, especially recently. And for the chance to walk through the rosebushes of life. And I am grateful for the one who can fix me every time I walk through another one. "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
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